Let It Go

This weekend, my husband and I got to head home to visit our friends and family. Trips home are always equal parts hectic and exciting. We only get to see our family a few times a year, so when we're there, we try to soak in every minute of love we can. It just gets a little complicated trying to make sure you squeeze all of your loved ones into a 72 hour period.

But we made it work! Being away from the craziness of every day life and surrounded by our family was incredible, and a nice reminder of the things that really matter in the world. I'm not sure if it was the vacation,  listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat with our niece, or a combination of both, but I came home with the intention to try more often to "Let It Go".

Watching our niece twirl around in her Elsa dress, wig, and shoes was refreshing. At five years old, her biggest worry was if we would press play again so she could hear more of her favorite songs. I don't feel like it was that long ago that my life was so carefree, but in that moment, I certainly felt the 22 year age difference between us.

It's not that my life is terrible; far from it. I am blessed beyond belief. It's just that I'm a human, and sometimes that in and of itself can be a challenge. Whether it's a stressful week at work, tension in a relationship, or just a "blah" day overall, sometimes obstacles just place themselves in your path, and you are left with the responsibility of figuring out how to get around them.

A few weeks ago, the dad of a friend of mine told me what has truly made him happy over the course of his 65 years: health, faith, family, and friends. He said in his experience, these are the four things people really care about. He mentioned he thinks the order varies from person to person, but that when those things are good, life is too.

This advice wasn't groundbreaking by any means, but it felt like the perfect way to express what I'd been trying to articulate for years. At least for my life, he is spot on. When I think about the positives in my life, they all fall into these four categories. And when I think about the negatives and compare them to this list, I realize they don't really matter.

I guess this path is a little different than trekking through a snowstorm to build an ice castle with my superpowers, but I've arrived nonetheless. Here's to letting it go.

It's Been Awhile

Four years and some change; over 1500 days. I'm surprised I remembered this blog was here. And yet I'm so glad I found it. I love to write, and too much time has passed since I last partook. I get to dabble in writing at work, but it doesn't give me the same satisfaction.

A lot has changed since I last posted here. A ton, actually. Four years ago I was living in a different state, had a bad job and an entirely alternative set of hobbies, and was in a relationship I knew I needed to leave. 

I now live in the place I love, have a job that allows me to grow and a team who I adore, have amazing friends, and am married to my perfect match.

As I read back through the only two blog entries I ever published, I feel strangely happy. Although it's surreal to read through some of those moments, I can't help but feel accomplished for how far I've come and the decisions I've made to better myself as a person. That said, there is still progress to be made. I'm not one for New Years Resolutions, but this year I told my husband I just want to be a better person...and I think figuring out exactly what that means will happen one day at a time. I also told him I want to be more like Ellen DeGeneres, but I think the two are pretty similar.

If I compare entries side by side, it's evident I'm better today than I was four years ago, no questions asked. On paper, I have a better job and I've earned my MBA. But in real life, I've chosen to surround myself with meaningful relationships (romantic and otherwise), I've weeded out a lot of the negativity that used to surround me, and I've learned a lot about myself.

I'm still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm not in my early twenties anymore. I am still a little excessive. The friends I wrote about before have all changed in beautiful ways. Two are now wives and one is a husband. One still works for her alma mater and knows celebrity gossip, but is even more successful and wonderful as time goes by. One still excels in everything he does, but lives in Boston now, and is head over heels in love with an awesome girl. Some I'm not in touch with anymore. And I think that's okay.

Life changes. People change. Even with what seems like a million changes having taken place over the last four years, this blog still lives at this web address. I apologize for using "change" so many times in so few sentences.

I don't know what direction I want this blog to go. I'm not sure if I just want to write to get my creative juices flowing, or if I want my husband to get a huge raise so I can stay at home with our future children and write about DIY projects.

My grandma has encouraged me to write more often for as long as I remember. And I'm pretty sure Ellen DeGeneres would listen to her grandma.

Well-done, though Medium-Rare would certainly be adequate

Let us start off this thought train with a little bit of hypocritical choo-choo. Though my inaugural entry suggests that self-categorization is an inaccurate form of first-person description, I feel somewhat compelled to hit you with a little knowledge. [My deepest apologies for the discrepancy].

I’ve always been bothered by the “describe-yourself-in-one-worder’s” of the world. And it’s not just the previously mentioned inaccuracy that gets me. One-word descriptions just cannot possibly capture the true and complete essence of someone’s being, can they?

Hmm.

Earlier today, I had a miniature epiphany at work. After washing my hands, and with the lack of air dryer, I turned to the far less eco-friendly option – paper towels. It wasn’t until my hands were completely dry and I was crumpling the used sheets up in a ball that I realized how many I used – three. Now three may not sound like that many, but think about it. I have, what, twelve square-inches to remove moisture from? And I need thirty-six square inches of paper product to do so? I think not.

This started a more-than-necessary extension of thought. I began to consider what other over-the-top habits of mine may be going unnoticed. Here’s what I came up with:

- I lock my car three times every single time I get out of it. Not harming the environment, but not a vital process by any means.
- I take pictures of everything and everyone when my camera is out of its case – and often of the same groups of people over and over. And over.
- When I am caught off-guard by something humorous, the duration of my laughter is easily nineteen times that of everyone around me.
- Once upon a time, I discovered a love for Sharpies – and to this day I will purchase any variety of the stinky marker that is introduced to the school-supply market. [And don’t even get me started on my obsession with school supplies in general.]
- I apply at least three more coats of chapstick beyond the mere one that would suffice.
- When I cry, it is essentially unstoppable. An indescribable wave of sadness washes over me.
- I won’t leave the house until every single wave is straightened out of my hair.
- Love pours out of me like an enormous amount of water pent up behind a dam. And it floods into each and every relationship I am a part of. I often devote more attention to my friends’ happiness than I do my own. As a girlfriend, I love with all walls down and vulnerability up. I carry the weight of my family’s problems because I can’t help but share their burdens. The bright side, however, suggests that when they are on top of the world, I’m right next to them.
- The barista at the Starbucks I frequent knows my name…and my drink.
- When my nail polish is chipped, I pick all of it off – because I can’t stand the inconsistency.
- If someone asks me how I am on a good day, I’ll usually go straight to “exceptional.”
- I pack eleven shirts for a three day trip.
- When trying to briefly describe myself – I muster up thirteen demonstrative pieces of information.

And that’s just it. I’ve stumbled upon the one-word key to understanding all I encompass:

I am excessive.

An Unconventional Introduction

I’ve always found self-descriptions a little awkward and inaccurate. Though I’ve been an earshot away from more self-righteous illustrations of character than I’d like to count, it seems for the most part that people really sell themselves short. It’s not that I don’t think people capture themselves in the proper light, but most often, they leave out what I like to call, “the goods.” Naturally, and most likely because we’re hard-wired to do so, we give a sort of Reader’s Digest version and try to summarize decades of development into a few colorful sentences. I’ve never been satisfied with this.

I’m surrounded by incredible people, and I think if you asked them for a descriptions – you’d get your standard, run-of-the-mill group of young adults: recent college grad working for her alma mater, football-player turned coach, horse-rider struggling to pay the bills, receptionist in a big city, small business owner, graduate student, lab researcher recently re-located, nice-guy guitar player cherishing each day in a new city, etc.

But I’ve always been fascinated with how these depictions are altered when taken out of the first-person. To me, my friends are:

- A levelheaded listener, with a never-ending source of applicable advice ready to be drawn upon. Always up-to-date on which A-listers are caput and which websites donate goods to needy children with every click of the mouse.

- A passionate, opinionated and generous man working hard to fulfill his dream and civic duty. Uniquely romantic under a rugged exterior. If there were a less obnoxious and cliché term for “teddy bear,” I’d use it.

- A witty realist, sometimes begrudgingly considered “one of the guys,” with more stories than anybody else in the area code. Extremely random and fervently pursuing (whether physically or mentally) her “soul-mate.

- A beautiful, educated, conservative college-grad looking for the next step. A head-turner, but not in the “she-knows-she’s-gorgeous-and-I-find-it-highly-irritating” kind of way.

- A well-dressed, large-truck driving, man’s man interested in most girls that look his direction. Respectful, extremely hard-working, and equipped with an ample amount of “street smarts.”

- A vibrant, well-off, soon-to-be Doctor from Long Island. Tiny, and as bouncy as the curls on her head. Independent and driven, and a sucker for Sex and the City reruns and retail therapy.

- An unbelievably kind soul, never without a smile, and always up for an adventure. Brilliant lab researcher and incredible girlfriend (soon-to-be fiancé, financial circumstances pending).

- A creative, fun-loving, dependable friend who excels in just about everything he does. Well-versed in the challenges life presents and eager to learn the lessons they contain.

I feel as though as a reader, you’re looking for some sort of description of the author, for one of many reasons. Maybe you just want to understand the perspective I’m writing from. Maybe you are just shamelessly curious and want a picture. Maybe you relate to what I write and are wondering how far the similarities extend. Or, maybe you really don’t care.

I’ll put myself in your shoes here – assuming you’d like at least a little bit of “the goods.” Here’s what I’ve got to offer:

- A college-educated female in my early twenties.

- A resident of a place that has a stereotype of women my age I’d like to renegotiate.

- A feather ruffler, and

- A lover – in every sense of the word.

That should suffice, for now at least.